Kids, Super Rich Kids & the Age of the Internet

~If you say it’s okay for other people, but you don’t want your child in an interracial relationship, then you’re probably a hypocrite.

~If you yell at your kids for smoking a joint, but hit the bar after work before driving home drunk, you could be a hypocrite.

~If you’re one of these people who are flabbergasted by Miley Cyrus, Teen Mom or Justin Bieber’s behavior, then you’re probably a hypocrite.

Every time I tune into the TV, read an article on the internet, or scroll through my facebook feed, there’s somebody going on about how they just can’t believe the behavior kids are exhibiting these days. These teen stars do more drugs, drink more alcohol, and exchange more bodily fluids than most of us could have hoped for at one time or another. Don’t lie to yourself—most of our teenage selves just wanted to do more drugs, drink more alcohol and have more sex. The only difference between our teenage selves and Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber is that our broke asses didn’t have what they have.

Over the years I’ve noticed I’m a lot less tolerant of famous youth than I once was. Could it be envy over their paychecks? Maybe so. Could it be outrage towards parents who have let these protégés grow up with no guidance, so they could wreak havoc in our streets? Beat women? Speed down the roads our children play in? And then they go perform lewd acts on national television that my children will no doubt one day emulate? Hell yes, I feel a lot of outrage over parents who don’t give their kids any Act Right. But that’s true for parents of the wild, rich and famous and ordinary parents who, instead of handling their parenting business, will shrug and offer one of those sorrynotsorry apologies after their kid punches yours in the face on the playground. Oh that Joey. He’s just all boy.

Let me paint a scenario for you. Let’s go back to age sixteen. Let’s give you two million dollars. Let’s give your parents a laissez-faire attitude. Let’s give you notoriety and access to all things cool. How long would it take for you to be arrested? How long would it take for you to admit you have a drug problem? Me?  It would have been a year or two. I’d have made the news every night for behavior so outlandish you would have thought I was shooting a Tarantino movie. Shit, I used to act like a pimp with a twenty in my pocket. I didn’t even need the two million dollars.

Every one of us could have been a Miley Cyrus/Teen Mom/Justin Bieber train wreck years ago. The only things that make our teenage selves any different from Miley are camera phones and the internet. Imagine how the following information would have traveled in the age of the internet:

– that time you had sex with two girls in a bathroom stall

– that time you smoked dope with your high school teacher

– that time you got a wire hanger stuck under your foreskin (true story)

And if you’re independently wealthy with millions of fans? You’d be fucking up quicker than Dr. Drew could say, “Rehab anyone?” On top of that, they’re not ADULTS yet! Their brains are still growing, they haven’t developed any damn common sense. Couple that with social media and you have a shit storm. Remember passing notes in class?

Will you go with me?          Yes             No               Maybe

What if that note you passed could be sent to hundreds of people at once, no matter how embarrassing it was, before you even put your pen down. This is the age of the YOLO Generation. The youth don’t think of the repercussions; therefore, you get ridiculous situations taken out of context by the media, which are then glorified by teenagers and horrifying to adults.

I trip on adults, myself included, who forget their childhood. I spent the better part of eight of my first twenty years on this planet trying to see a boob that wasn’t my mom’s or my sister’s. Now I can see boobs of every nationality, without rising up from my bed or looking over at my wife. Just Google it. That’s what we’re giving our children—all of the authority but none of the responsibility. Yet, we resent it and are outraged when they do exactly what we would have done.

Hypocrites, we are.

Bully Oshin
I’m a resident Minnesota shit-talker (by way of Texas), father of 2, and a yes man to one female human. I’m a failed musician/rapper with a flair for words. I enjoy all things of hateration; moreover, I’m a constant contrarian of pop culture. I love writing and podcasting. I don’t listen very well, but I love to talk about various topics, of which I have strong opinions. Catch my occasional podcast on Spreaker. http://www.spreaker.com/user/6852101
  • tinylights

    That gif really needs a seizure/migraine warning.

    • thewired1

      I could not agree more.

  • Lex

    Yeah the problem seems to be more about absentee parents than anything else.

    I wasnt allowed to do any of the examples you mentioned. And I didnt do them bc I knew if my parents would have found out . . . it would be a world of trouble. It wasnt worth it.

    • Andrea A

      I was a wild child and got away with SO much! but money was a big hitch. I couldn’t afford to get into THAT many hijinks.

      • Lex

        I tried. I think the most rebellious thing I did was sneak out of my grandmother’s house to hang out with some of my older cousins and have a few beers. I was 16ish.

        God I am lame.

        • Andrea A

          haha! it’s okay. wild is overrated. I’m unbelievably lame now. making up for lost lame time. 😉

      • JulaiOhMy

        I was super good and still spent about three years straight grounded. At some point I was just like, you know what? I MIGHT AS WELL BE BADDDDDD!

        • Andrea A

          haha! I would have done the same!

    • Crystal

      ME TOO!

    • http://theflounce.com Ali

      When I was younger, we used to joke about my parents’ super spy network. There were many times when we’d be sitting around the dinner table and mom or dad would say, “So-and-so saw you at the mall today.” or “My buddy saw the truck outside of the pizza place. How was the pizza?” It didn’t help that the vehicle my brother or I got to drive was a big blue truck with a custom, and immediately recognizable, paint job.

      Of course, I was a super boring teenager, so the spy network never bothered me, but mom and dad usually had a good idea of what we were up to and they’d intervene when needed.

      • Lex

        OMG ME TOO!

        It always freaked me out. Actually the STILL could probably know everything that is going on in my life.

  • Webermore

    …but can your bio use the right “flair”?

    • JulaiOhMy

      Ric Flair??!

      • Webermore

        A simple, “fixed, it- thanks!” would have sufficed, oh editor.

        • JulaiOhMy

          Wait.. what? I didn’t have anything to do with this article. I was joking. About the wrestler.

          • Webermore

            In that case, Ric Flair will do

  • llamacas

    I’m very thankful I went through college before smartphones/iphones. The shit that would have been documented by my idiot younger self and friends.

    I think this increase in documentation and the ability to spread it through the general public like wild fire has more to do with all the adults saying “kids these days” phrases more than anything.

    • Andrea A

      right? and I thought I was excessive with my disposable cameras! no party was complete without them.

  • Andrea A

    THANK YOU!! thank you. I’m getting old, but not a parent so I was beginning to wonder if my sympathy for these kids was just me having not grown up yet. every time someone complains about Miley Cyrus’ tongue, I want to show them every photo of me between 1998 and 2000. tongue sticking out. every. time.

    that said, when an uber rich kid gets off for rape because his daddy bought off a judge, that I cannot abide. that’s not adolescents going crazy; that’s amoral.

    • Soulsweeper

      I was/am wondering the same thing, because every time someone complains about some teenager drinking a beer, I find myself traveling back in time and seeing 16 yo version of me throwing up in the bushes after drinking the cheapest, strongest brand of wine. And I don’t regret it one bit, but I guess I am glad it was before smartfones’ era.

      • Andrea A

        totally! nobody documented that shit, so we got away with it.

  • JulaiOhMy

    As long as they stay offa my lawn, we’re cool.