Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. The shapely, svelte elephant who has freakishly large breasts, a firm ass with Kardashian-like measurements, and a waist that makes even the most devoted thinspiration blogger cry in envy.
Adding chicks in video games, amirite?
I mean, it’s so hard to render them. It’s so hard to create them, and it’s expensive to figure out their outfits and hair and voices, and movements…. what major release could POSSIBLY have the resources to do that?
Let’s see, every MMORPG of recent memory, Mirror’s Edge, The Last of Us (cause you could take control of Ellie for a little bit), the new inFAMOUS DLC, Saint’s Row V (you wanna talk about an in-depth character creation module), Tomb Raider, Mortal Kombat X…
Oh Ubisoft, you’re so stupid. When talking about Assassin’s Creed: Unity, I cannot believe that you stood up at E3, especially in a conference full of journalists who are having conversations about women in nerd culture, and said the dumbest thing that could have ever come out of your mouths.
“It’s double the animations, it’s double the voices, all that stuff and double the visual assets, especially because we have customizable assassins. It was really a lot of extra production work.”
Alex Amancio, the voice delivering this news, seemed certain that this mansplination would do the trick.
Dude. Double the work? Like TheMarySue, I was CERTAIN that these fancy customizable assassins would encompass the breadth of technology of dolly dress-up, so I was looking forward to the uniqueness that each body type, stature, height, weight, and other characteristics would encompass.
Oh, wow, Ubisoft. You’ve totally outdone yourself there. Every one of those dollies look SOOOOOOOOO different.
I mean, even a big name animation director like Naughty Dog’s Jonathan Cooper is calling out Ubisoft on his twitter, saying what all of us geek girls and guys in the world are thinking:
Amancio is now backpedaling this morning, saying that it’s not a matter of resources, nor a matter of philosophy, but rather a matter of practicality and relevance. Because in this installment, you’re playing a Frenchman in the revolution, you don’t need tits getting in the way. And we all know there have never been ANY female French assassins… Again, H/T to the Mary Sue for pointing out this already in the above article.
It’s important to note that, at first, Ubisoft presented a united front in this regard based on the idea that “A female assassin would have necessitated more than 8,000 new animations recreated on a new skeletal structure” and that “Playable female characters were ‘dear to the production team.’”
Now, all of a sudden, Amancio says that they AREN’T dear to the the production team, because Jesus Christ, man, everyone knows the French women weren’t out fighting for the revolution and historically sat around with unshaved armpits gossiping about Marie Antoinette.
In fact, they are applauding themselves with this bullshit Republican non-apology release:
“We recognise the valid concern around diversity in video game narrative. Assassin’s Creed is developed by a multicultural team of various faiths and beliefs and we hope this attention to diversity is reflected in the settings of our games and our characters. Assassin’s Creed Unity is focused on the story of the lead character, Arno. Whether playing by yourself or with the co-op Shared Experiences, you the gamer will always be playing as Arno, complete with his broad range of gear and skill sets that will make you feel unique. With regard to diversity in our playable Assassins, we’ve featured Aveline, Connor, Adewale and Altair in Assassin’s Creed games and we continue to look at showcasing diverse characters. We look forward to introducing you to some of the strong female characters in Assassin’s Creed Unity.”
To sum up: “Listen y’all, some of our best friends are black, and we’ve got chicks in the game that you can do more to than just fuck, so get off our backs! Christ…. is this still on? G-d, these fucking fatass women gamers… they don’t know ANYTHING about gaming… how dare they think they can bully us into something? They need to get back in the kitchen and keep their mouths wrapped around my cock…oh wait…that was live? Shit!”
Because I’m a little sensitive over the inclusion of women, or hell, even a person of color as a protag in video games (you know, to represent the very real statistic that 48% of women play video games), I wanted to level check. And what I found was that my righteous anger is well placed.
One gamer states, “I’m a female gamer. I don’t do pc games. I’m straight console. From Tetris to Tomb Raider to Final Fantasy to Zelda to Dragon Age. I’ve got my favorite pink PS3 controller and my awesome 3DS. I am the girl who buys games for my boyfriend just to steal them. And dude, I am PISSED.”
Another woman said, “Shared information about this on my Wall yesterday. My comment was, “as a geek girl gamer and mother/MIL of same, I find the attitudes expressed by Ubisoft to justify their decision to be very offensive. I’ve not gotten involved in the AC franchise, and this latest announcement by the developers ensures that I will not be giving it a try in the future.” IOW, Ubisoft is full of it…”
Finally, this woman summed it up very nicely with, “Clearly, since [rendering female characters is] so terribly difficult, companies like gearbox and bioware need to be applauded for all that hard work creating female playables. Bless their hearts!” Gotta admit, I included this because of the palpable twang in “Bless Their Hearts.” Ubisoft, I’ll tell you what took me six months to figure out — that phrase is NOT a compliment.
Ubisoft, here’s your chosen demographic’s response. Russ Matthews, a legit geek guy, who’s also a legit feminist, says it more eloquently than a lot of the guys I’ve been talking to.
“I am legitimately considering boycotting AC: Unity unless Ubisoft promises that the next game has a playable female character. And not one that sashays around in period lingerie and stabs people while having sex with them. Real, legit storylines. And given how faithful I have been to this franchise, that is saying something.”
Remember how I said that my dollars could be withheld? I’ll gladly drop the money on Contrast, or a second rate standalone, but if Ubisoft thinks they are getting another dime out of me or my family (and all four of us are gamers), they are sadly mistaken. They can ask how much money I have given to Mel Gibson since his anti-semitic rants (not one penny) to find out how long I hold a grudge.
Sure, Gibson doesn’t know and is still filthy rich. Ubisoft might not care that I’m not buying from them ever again, but based on what I’m seeing, Ubisoft might need some lessons on how to handle PR nightmares.